Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
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we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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