It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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