he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
