Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
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