yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
