i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I have fence marks all over my body
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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