More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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