I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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