How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
