Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
