Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
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So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
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If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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