I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
