see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
