Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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