He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
