idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
