I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
