lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club š
You know itās going to be a rough day when you scream āGet fuckedā at your alarm clock
Randomize
