Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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