So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
