just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
