I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
