doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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