Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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