sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
