I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
