sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
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You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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