Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
