and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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