He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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