i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
