Kiss
Puke
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
