I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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