And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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