this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
