i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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