so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
