he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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