there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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