Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
