The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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