These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
