I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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