I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
