I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
sarcasm needs its own font
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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