i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
