ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
