why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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