I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize