So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We named our party play list daddy issues
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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