opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize