I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
