The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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