pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
