I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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