genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
