my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
