You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
