I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
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