Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
