How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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