I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
